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reading in head: i'm practically a master of linguistics my pronunciations are perfect beyond compare
reading aloud: *chokes on spit*

(via dutchster)

tescosfinest:

mygarrison:

tescosfinest:

AMERICA DOESNT KNOW THE JOY OF TERRYS CHOCOLATE ORANGE

WHAT THE HECK IS THAT I SWEAR TO GOD IF THIS IS ANOTHER FANTASTIC CANDY WE’RE MISSING I

imageheaven

(via ugly)

hands0nic:

brokenquill:

The second worst burn that Two Face has ever felt.

the comment perfected this post

(Source: i.chzbgr.com, via gnarly)

hillarygayle:

morethanonepage:

veganasana:

amoying:

maplesuhtori:

j0shdngr:

chill it’s cos your rare

the entire female population of east asia is rare?

homie ur about to be cooked medium rare and sacrificed

Omg

It got better

(Source: impastabowl, via onlylolgifs)

hedgyhedgehog:

jacquesattack:

You don’t fuck with the tray master

There’s something about the casual destructive power of immense, self-certain competence.

(via cakejam)

sancly:

One time in first grade I asked my teacher if I could drink water and she said to swallow my spit

(Source: settles, via distraction)

meatbicyclevevo:

??????¿¿??

(Source: greenlead, via joshpeck)

bestpal:

smoking we’d

(via ugly)

rebelliousbieber:

my mom is nursing these kittens because their mommy got hurt, they have no patience

(via joshpeck)

aduhm:

gloriousharhar:

augustus u bitch

isn’t he supposed to fall in love with her? TFIOS movie is SO different from the book…

(via thatsmoderatelyraven)

ashestoashesjc:

I regret nearly everything I did between the ages of birth and however old I was yesterday. 

(via humorking)

suctioning:

Teacher: sit down
Me: drank

(via gnarly)

mszombi:

meladoodle:

one time when i was like 12 my dad wanted me to put a dvd in the dvd player and i was like ‘what do i get in return’ and he said ‘you can have half of the winnings of this stupid lotto ticket’ and he ended up winning 600,000 dollars and i was so pleased with myself. 300,000 dollars when youre 12 is pretty much like infinity dollars. he was so mad

Shit, man, $300,000 would be like infinity dollars to me now.

(Source: meladoodle, via sniffing)

whouer:

when you try your best but your don’t succeed

(via sniffing)